perfect 17 yo job application…the job is yours, mate

On something entirely different….

Something funny to brighten up your day. If you have seen this Job application before please ignore it.

This is a job application that a 17 years old boy submitted at one of McDonald’s- fast- food outlet in Florida. The application was rated successful as they thought that this kid was
honest and hilariously funny.

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person to come along.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever is available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. (Meat in the sandwich)

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and ‘post-it’ notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That’s why I’m applying.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30, Monday, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? 50 lbs. of what?

DO YOU HAVE CAR? I think the appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED A SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may be already the winner of the Readers’ Digest Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blonde supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I like to be doing that right now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE: Yes? Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Gemini.

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HOW TO TELL IF YOU ARE AN INTERPRETER OR A TRANSLATOR

HOW TO TELL IF YOU ARE AN INTERPRETER OR A TRANSLATOR

You are an interpreter if…

You are a translator if.

You can rise at 6:30 a.m. many days in a row

You are miserable unless you can get up 11 a.m. and go to bed at 3:00 a.m.

Your working wardrobe consists of suits, which you keep wrapped in plastic to avoid wrinkles and expedite packing

Your working wardrobe consists of jeans (shorts) and sweatshirts (t shirts), which you store conveniently on the floor of your closet

You are prone to sore throats and foot problems

You are prone to carpal tunnel syndrome and backache

You talk all day; in your leisure time you frequently just want to be quiet

You are alone with a computer all day; when you are with other people you tend to jabber

Your bathrobe has been to hotels all over the globe and in half the cities in the U.S.

Your bathrobe is what you are apt to be wearing at 2 in the afternoon

You are sick of hotel and restaurant meals and are dying for home cooked food

You are sick of looking at four walls all day and are dying to go out to dinner

You know many words in your second language that you have never seen written down

You know many words in your second language that you do not know how to pronounce

You have met most of the professional colleagues you know on interpreting assignments (or at ATA conferences)

You have met most of the professional colleagues you know through e-mail or Internet chat rooms (or at ATA conferences)

You are always traveling and long to be at home more so you can spend quality time with your family

At home you are always working or thinking about work, so the best way to spend quality time with your family is to travel together.

You struggle not to gain weight from constant exposure to banquet and catered meals and your work leaves you little time for exercise

You struggle not to gain weight from spending all day sitting on your duff and the constant availability of your refrigerator and your work leaves you little time for exercise

You stay up half the night stewing about the way you interpreted a term

You stay up half the night stewing about how you’ll translate a term the next day

Your favourite dictionaries are battered from rough treatment by baggage handlers

Your favourite dictionaries are battered from the rough treatment they get on your desk when you are in a “term search frenzy”

It drives you nuts to have the work you do referred to as translation

It drives you nuts to be asked if you ever did “simultaneous translation” for a celebrity

You are chronically tired and short of money and you suspect that the world underrates how hard you work and how much you contribute

You are chronically tired and short of money, and you suspect that the world underrates how hard you work and how much you contribute

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bad translators all over the world

How’s your English?

Wonderful English from Around the World

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel in Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel in Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOMS, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

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australian slang

I am writing the first bit of today’s entry in Australian, the other English. You bludgers better pay attention.

The other morning I was flat out like a lizard drinking, and seeing the hickory dickory dock, I said strewth to my sheilah and jumped out of the cot like a startled kangaroo. It was darker than a gorilla’s armpit because of the rain and it was time I shot through like a Bondi tram. Fair dinkum.

I needed a breakfast of champions and here’s the drum: I got out my pot of Vegemite and spread it thick and black all over the toast. Flamin’ beautiful it was. Then I greased my ute with it. My sheilah was sledging me and looking at me nasty, maybe because I’d put the hard word on her the previous night, so I gave her the raspberry and sarse and went off to see my chinas who are good blokes even if they are sepos.

“Don’t wait up for me, darling, I am going to the rubbidty tonight to watch the footy,” I said with a trill like a bell bird.

“Don’t come the raw prawn with me,” she bellowed with a voice like a prize cow at the Ekka.

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Satan Refuses To Accept Any More Catholic Priests In Hell

About This Website

THEONION.COM
NINTH CIRCLE, HELL—Stressing that the situation in the underworld was quickly spiraling out of control, Satan, the Great Tempter and Father of Lies, announced Wednesday that he would not allow any more Catholic priests to enter hell. “This place is completely overrun with those monsters, and fra…
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Rowan Atkinson (Mr Bean) and the intolerant society

Rui Correia shared a post.

4 mins

Immunity to offence!
(but NEVER political immunity!)

-1:46

289,264 Views
Atheist Republic

The best way for society to tolerate insulting or offensive speech is to allow more of it says Rowan Atkinson.

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more funny flight attendants

opular Across Facebook

Hilarious flight instructions before take-off

-0:30

13
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Is this the best flight safety announcement ever?!

Popular Across Facebook

Is this the best flight safety announcement ever?! ✈️ (Sound on 🔊)

-1:34

426
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